Everybody has heard this story in the stoner circle before: “My partner hates that I smoke weed”. It is a problem that many users face. Is there a way around it? Communication and acceptance are some of the most powerful ways to deal with relationship challenges. Keep reading this article to learn more about how to deal with your partner if they don’t like your cannabis use.
They say that opposites attract. Such is the case when an avid pot smoker meets a person who is less fond of the idea. For those who really love cannabis, this can be the biggest hurdle that your relationship faces.
It can be quite difficult to get a cannabis smoker to stop smoking “just because” a partner doesn’t like it. And rightfully so. Smoking weed is a sovereign right. So how could your partner be so against it?
Unfortunately, not all relationships were created equal. It’s nice when you fall in love with someone who fancies the green stuff just as much as you do. But we aren’t all so lucky. Sometimes you’ve found yourself in love with someone who simply hates your use of cannabis.
Is there a way for that conversation to end without one person screaming and the other one running off to a friend’s house to blaze up? If there isn’t, then there should be. So here are our 6 tips on how to deal with a partner who really doesn’t like cannabis use.
1. Before looking at your partner, look at yourself
A good place to start with any relationship problem is with yourself. It’s easy to blame the other person. I mean, of course they’re wrong! Of course, it’s all their fault, and of course everything they think is absurd. Wrong! Before you deal with your partner in an adult conversation, you need to do some self-reflection.
As a cannabis user, the kinds of important questions to ask yourself are: do you abuse cannabis rather than use it? Have you fallen into the trap of the stoner stereotype? That refers to getting couch-locked after a few puffs of a joint, falling asleep before doing any chores and even being late to work or forgetting about it entirely. Do you prefer to get stoned and play video games over productive behaviour with your partner?
If you answered yes to any of these questions (honestly), then perhaps your partner is kind of justified in their concerns.
Most people (most being the operative word, here) will be led by example rather than by speech. You can say that cannabis is good for you, but if your behaviour suggests otherwise, your partner will see straight through what you say. If they think that cannabis use is bad, but you are a perfect example of a highly functional stoner, then they might change their mind.
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2. Acknowledge your partner
Before you go calling your partner a judgemental prick, acknowledge their concerns. Maybe they really are occupied with your well-being. But after all, they might just really be a judgemental prick.
Think about where they came from, their up-bringing, their exposure to the mainstream stigma associated with cannabis use. If it’s blatantly obvious that they have been a victim of propaganda, acknowledge that their ideas and opinions actually do come from somewhere.
Also, instead of calling them stupid or uneducated on the “cool” ways, let them know that you hear them, and you hear that they don’t like it. Don’t disregard their opinion just because it doesn’t match up with your opinions. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you should just quit weed based on how they feel about it. But at the very least, let them know that you acknowledge how they feel.
3. Invite your lover for a smoking session
Maybe the truth of the matter is that they’re just a little bit jealous of your relationship with the herb. They don’t want to feel like they are a third wheel in the relationship. So, invite your partner to smoke with you. It could be a special bonding moment, especially if they are smoking for the first time.
Think about it. It’s really hard to explain what it feels like to be high. Maybe they simply don’t understand what you’re feeling when you say “but it just feels so good!”
Do everything you can to create a cosy, comfortable and safe environment for breaking your partner’s weed virginity.
The first step to creating that kind of environment is that your partner fully consents to what’s about to happen. If you can actually get them to like smoking weed, then you’ve dodged the huge cannabis bullet. But seriously, maybe all your girlfriend or boyfriend needs is someone they trust to smoke with.
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4. Educate your partner about the benefits of cannabis
Share with your partner all the ways that cannabis gives value to your life. Do you use weed before bed to wind down and relax? Or do you use it to tap into your creative potential? Maybe you even use weed to deal with particular medical symptoms.
So, share all of these things with your partner. The more open you are, the more they are likely to open up.
Take this as an opportunity to educate somebody who might not know all that much about weed. If you come across confident about the reasons that you use cannabis and how it helps, then why should your partner have any reason to object?
Remember that confidence isn’t the same as arrogance. If what you know is true, then you never need to be defensive when the conversation comes up.
5. Accept that there’s things about each other you will never like
Here’s a place where lots of relationships crumble. There is always going to be something about your partner that you don’t like. For them, it might be your weed smoking. For you, it might be the fact that they always leave dirty socks lying around. In any case, accept that your partner is less than perfect! Trust me, you have your own flaws, too.
If your partner doesn’t like the fact that you smoke cannabis, and you definitely aren’t going to budge on it, then just accept it! Let it be one of those things that you might not really like about each other, but that doesn’t get in the way of you loving each other.
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6. Be willing to compromise
If you use very frequently (everyday, for example), be willing to compromise. Perhaps it’s not really weed smoking that bothers your partner, but how much it costs. Or maybe it’s that he or she doesn’t feel you pay them enough attention if you’re spending more time with Mary-Jane. So be willing to compromise on how much you use it.
Maybe your weed smoking time can be personal time, such as when your girlfriend is out with the girls! It can be something you do right before you sit down to do your woodworking or poetry writing or whatever thing you do in your personal time. If they absolutely can’t stand it, be willing to be sober around them. But obviously – don’t keep it a secret! That’s the worst thing you could do!
Yes, relationships are complicated. And when weed enters a relationship, it can literally turn into a love triangle. Remember that cannabis is a tool that is supposed to add value to your life, rather than tear you away from the ones you love. So, before you get too defensive, assess the situation. Are they being irrational, or are you?
This article helped me a lot I real it a few times. Thank you.
Thanks for the article and consideration you advise for the non-smoking partner. Weed isn’t for everyone. She’s tried it and didn’t like it. If it wasn’t for my partner, I would probably smoke 3-4 days a week but now that we live together I do it once a week. I did a lot of what you discussed so that makes me feel better that I probably took the right approach. I did the following
1. I made it clear to her why I enjoy smoking and why it is helps me become a better person. It helps me decompress, allows for some introspection, and just relaxes me in a way that alcohol can’t.
2. I make sure that all my work/chores are done before I smoke.
3. I usually reserve Sunday evenings for my alone/smoking time, but its not sacrosanct. If we have plans I just move my smoke day to another day.
4. My partner doesn’t like interacting with me while high so I respect that. She thinks I’m a different person (more reserved and quiet). This actually suits me since I don’t like interacting with non-high people when I’m smoking.
5. When I do smoke I don’t drive or do anything that might make my partner uncomfortable. Honestly, I mostly watch documentaries, read, or think about life in general.
In other words, I make it clear that it is part of my life but it does not negatively affect other aspects like work or the amount of time we spend together. Hope this helps others as well.
Hey Sean, thanks for sharing your experience with us!
I personally thought this was a pretty good article and enjoyed reading it. although I am spouse on the opposite end of the spectrum, as I am the spouse who does not like my husband smoking marijuana. It’s honestly not the substance itself, rather it is how he treated it, he has spent money on out we did not have, he has betrayed me with it, he has been an unsafe situation, he has gone to jail because of it, and many other thing. I love him very much, but this is some thing I really don’t care four, frankly because he treats it as something more than it should be. My advice to anyone in the situation is to be open and honest with your partner. attempt to find a compromise, and if you have difficulty doing that seek a confidant such as a pastor or counselor. If you still can’t find a compromise then quit smoking. I know most people that enjoy smoking marijuana will not agree with what I just said. here is my thought process though, marijuana is simply a thing, and people really truly matter especially if you are married. If smoking marijuana is detrimental to your marriage then quit.
My wife asked me what I loved more, her or weed.
I move out tomorrow!
Oh no! Time to give the ‘Divorce Cake’ strain a try..?
I’m so glad I found an article about this topic.
I’ve been dating my man for 4 years now and he hates Mary Jane because he has a long streak of not doing it. But he has never felt how good weed makes you feel. But I respect his decision and he allows me to do it when he is not present.